3 Secrets to a Healthy, Happy Marriage

I love the seasonal changes that come with fall.

Some of you, however, may prefer the warmth and restfulness of summer or the cold and coziness of winter. But one thing we can always depend on is that the passing of time will bring visible and perceptible change from season to season.

This is true in our lives as well and especially in the relationship of marriage. We are always in a “season” or stage and progressing day by day into another. We are newly weds, then parents of babies, toddlers, school aged kids, college kids, and finally empty nesters.

Along this journey of many changes, we experience feelings of excitement, happiness, frustration, tears, fears, and pain. Hopefully, in conjunction with our journey, we mature and become more Christ like as the years move on. My husband and I experienced that it takes being intentional about what we choose to do and choose not to do.

The days just like the seasons will continue to pass, and without intentional and purposeful moves, we usually drift.

You see, my husband and I made the decision to change our behavior. We desired to break some unhealthy habits and replace them with healthy life affirming habits. We wanted to be intentional and purposeful with our time and relationship. We desired to transform our way of communication and our marriage for all the seasons and stages that would come and go.

Like many other engaged couples, we started our pre-martial counseling with Dr. Thomas Elkin……and we continued to counsel with him off and on for the next few years. He taught us first “to THINK, then DO and TRUST the Feelings to Follow. IF you think and behave it will alter your feelings. If you feel and behave you will change your thoughts. If you think and feel a certain way, your behavior will tend to harmonize with them.”

In the early days of love, our feelings are usually positive, but as months and years come along, our feelings can get whacked out and become like a negative broken record playing around in our minds. This is why it is so important to think…to be reminded of the Truth and not just live life based on our emotions.

As a couple to the best of our ability, we practiced the Truth based on God’s Word. We were not perfect and made MANY mistakes. But we did learn some transforming marriage secrets in the process.

Today, l am excited to share with you 3 secrets which will transform and enrich your marriage from this day forward.

FIRST-  ALWAYS meet and greet one another when departing from and returning home each day.  This shows love, respect, and priority. Try it and see what happens. 🙂

SECOND-  NEVER ever go to bed angry.                                                                                             In Ephesians 4:26 we read, ” Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.” For one, it is hard to go to sleep if mad or hurt. Holding onto anger–rather than forgiving and settling the issue–destroys and strains our relationships.The unresolved anger eventually comes out in bitterness, resentment, or even hatred. Reconcile and forgive one another before you retire for sleep. It will be a blessing beyond your understanding.

THIRD- SPEND 20-30 minutes everyday in uninterrupted (no cell phones, TV, I-pads) “face to face” listening/talking.

This is listening to connect and stay in touch as a couple. Even with small children, my husband and I worked this into our daily routine. We saved a special treat for them (watching a cartoon program or the like) during our “listening and talking” time and trained them to respect these moments without interruption except for emergency. We found a place in our home (and still do today) where we can sit together “face to face” and share our day – just the two of us

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               Photo By  Love is a Big Deal

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Photo By Love is a Big Deal

Wow! There is no way I can tell you how important and “life giving” these actions will be to you, your husband, your family, and your relationship! This investment is….. as the commercial says “priceless!”

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